Hello to all! Wow. First, I am excited to write this post, it has been on my heart for quite some time now. Also, these pictures by @rachelsyrisko! How freaking cute! She is the funniest soul I have ever met! I really wish I lived in Washington so we could hangout and go to all the cute coffee shops and drink fancy wine! LOL
I wanted to talk to all my ladies, whether you are single or in a relationship, I hope there is something you get out of this message. It is time to get vulnerable and real! I’ve had a mentor and amazing woman in my life who has kept it real with me, and has still has loved me despite all my imperfections. She is one reason to why I have made it through! There are souls out there who may not have someone to talk to, and well maybe this is you. Maybe you don’t have a best friend or even a friend who genuinely cares about you.
Side note… If you are not a follower of Jesus, this is still for you and you are welcomed here!
This is for all my girls! <3
Let’s take it a few years back to High School, first guy. TOXIC, give me a T, give me an O! You get the point… Just trying to lighten this up. But, the relationship was toxic. It was not good for me, and all I can say is, don’t question why she is staying in the relationship. There are women out there who simply feel stuck and feel like they can’t leave. It is not our business to judge them, but to try to and lead them out of the darkness. If you are not willing to walk through it with them, then just keep your comments to yourself. They stay in the relationship, and people talk down on them. Rumors go on, and people have no idea what they are going through. If this is you. I understand, but you can do this. You can leave and I promise there is a place where you will never get hurt again. There is a Man out there that will love you and protect you. Let’s move a couple years later…
There comes another guy. He is manipulative and tells you he loves Jesus. His actions are different than what he says to you. RUN.
Sometimes there comes a relationship, where you think you know what love is. At this point, you may be thinking Love is sticking it through no matter what. I mean they say “for better or for worse?”, right? You know that this only applies for a husband and wife? You do know that dating with a purpose means you have a choice. The purpose of dating with a purpose is to date someone and see, not feel. SEE if the reality is that you both are making a concerted effort to have a Healthy Relationship.
Proverbs 3:15 “She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.”
Staying is all you know… The relationship ends, and you begin to love YOURSELF more than ever. You are confident, you are excited about focusing on yourself and the amazing friendships you are building. God has someone for you, but because all you know is staying past the expiration date, you are now afraid to believe that there is something good out there for you. You are now afraid to stay and give love a chance. Now you have a choice to make… You can stay by yourself, with your own knowledge. Or you can give love a chance.
I remember when I met Andrew, I was not wanting a relationship. The year before I was demanding God to not bring anyone in my life for the next 2 years. 2 years why? I don’t know, don’t ask. Me trying to take control? Yes! I was very against wanting to ever date. I had lost all hope, and I believed that only I could make myself happy. I mean for a part of it, yes girl for knowing you can make yourself happy. Genesis 2:18 – The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” You are not meant to live life alone. I avoided Andrew for about 3 months, I was very hesitant on not getting to know him. How our relationship is going on is for another blog post. I want to keep it specifically on what to do when you are afraid on Giving Love a Chance.
These are the points I believe that need to be focused on:
- Date with a purpose. Sit down with your boyfriend and talk about what this means to you. It is not weird to sit down and have this conversation with the opposite sex, if this is really what you both desire.. If he finds this weird, or is uncomfortable then he is not someone you should continue on seeing. Dating with purpose is about being the right person, not seeing if they meet your earthly desires.
- Check your friends. Who is in your tribe? When I was going to introduce Andrew to my friends, I sent a text to the 8 of them in our group chat. I told them that he was coming out with us tonight, and that I needed an approval so I knew it was okay with them join . I knew that these friends would be real and honest with me. You need to find people in your life that will see things you may not see sometimes. They knew what I had been through, my goals, and what I deserved. We all went out and they got to know him. They asked him questions and gave me the thumbs up.
- Who are the other guys in your life? This could be your Pastor, leaders, and who the women in your life are dating. I had high standards for who I was going to date next. I mean the respect he had for me, opening my doors, honesty, and seeing how they honor and love my friends. How these men go to God for anything and everything first. I was like, well, I am not going to settle. I have a choice for what I let in my life. 1 Timothy 5:1-2 – “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”
- You are not meant to be alone. Which means, if there is a potential great guy in your life right now, do not feel afraid to get to know him. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, the lord says to not keep records of wrong. You should not feel like you need to take all what was done to you and believe that this is how you will be treated for the rest of your life, because it’s not.
- When dating with a purpose, you need to remember that God needs to be the center focus in your life. You will make mistakes if you only try to follow Jesus with your partner instead of having Jesus in. Example. How do you avoid sexual impurity? You will fail, if in the back of your mind you believe that it is okay because you will both get married anyways. Your boyfriend is not God, and he should not be worshiped. He’s words are not what you should live by. The word, the bible is the only word you should follow. It is the only word you should follow. When we are weak, when we are tired, when we no longer want to wait anymore. We both check ourselves. And remind, ourselves. That we are not husband and wife. We have a covenant with God first. We honor God and walk a path with him, and only him until there is a covenant over both of us with God. Proverbs 14:12 – “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” Just because it seems right. Does not mean it is so. There is not a covenant even in dating with a purpose, until you both say “I do.” A covenant means, that this marriage will not be broken. It is a choice, and you also have a choice to leave if he is not on the same path as you when dating.
- These were my 5 points, and I wanted to talk about Grace. Biblically, 5 means God’s Grace. Your past, your present and the mistakes that have happened should not take over your future. We were all meant to sin, that is reality. But, we have a choice to not take advantage of God’s Grace, Forgiveness and Love. God never stops loving us. NEVER STOPS. It is time to start loving yourself again, you are so worth fighting for. Even when it gets hard, do not let something good slip out of your hands just because the enemy is trying to take you back to when you were lost and broken. The number 6 means man, meaning there is weakness. But, 5 comes before 6. Grace comes before any of your sins. It was already paid for at the cross. God knew you would sin, he knew you would fail, and he knew there would be times when you would listen to man’s voice before His. But, He still chose you to love you, to give you eternal life. To give all that you deserve despite everything. His Grace never stops, and you should not stop loving yourself because of what has been done to you.
I hope you enjoyed this blog! I really just felt it on my heart to be honest and raw. It has been a rough year mentally and emotionally. I am in a great relationship, and I am confident because we are choosing, despite everything, to make it work. Now, we also have a healthy relationship with God, that we both know if God tells us this is not for us then we would honor him. I love who I am with, but I need to love myself first. Of course I would be sad if this relationship I am in did not work out, but I know I would be okay because I am God’s first. God’s goodness will never stop in my life. It is such a great place to be in this mindset, to be able to honor yourself and to not feel like you have to depend on a guy to make you feel complete. And who God has for you, will love you like Jesus loves you because he too is following Jesus. This is my real talk. We cannot keep loading ourselves with an abundance of information, and not actually seek wisdom. I may not say things you agree with, and that is okay. But, you have the choice to reach into the Word. You have a choice to live a life for God. Happy Sunday! I love you all and I hope you have an amazing week!